Wisecracks: Amitabh Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Mallika Sherawat

QUES: What did the kid say to his mom on being scolded for peeing in his pants?
ANS: What's wrong with that? All the Khans are doing that right now.
(Background: Terrorists have threatened the four Khans, Shahrukh, Salman, Saif Ali and Aamir to stop acting in Indian films. Read report-- Khans threatened! )
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QUES: Who is the most confused girl on earth right now?
ANS: Katrina Kaif. She can't decide whether to drop Salman or not.
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QUES: What is the height of self-control?
ANS: Amitabh Bachchan not airing his woes in public.

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QUES: What is the height of impossibility?
ANS: Amitabh Bachchan stops writing his blog.

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QUES: What is the height of celibacy?
ANS: A Bollywood producer casting a new heroine without the casting couch.

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QUES: Who are the happiest girls on earth right now?
ANS: Sangita Bijlani, Somy Ali, and Aishwarya Rai.

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QUES: What is the heights of heights of impossibility?
ANS: Mallika Sherawat starts wearing the burqa.

Weekly wisecracks on Bollywood celebs!

Who sounds like an old cribbing woman?

Amitabh Bachchan on his blog.
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Why is Urmila Matondkar doing TV shows now?

Because Rangeela (Ram Gopal Varma) has ditched her.
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Why did Shahrukh Khan get his six packs?

So that he could pick a fight with Salman Khan now.
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Which is the movie which you can see 42 years later?

Love Story 2050.
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What did Abhishekh Bachchan do after he married Aishwarya Rai?

Prateeksha.
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Why is Amitabh Bachchan the shortest man on earth?

Because he stooped low by romancing Rekha despite having a wife and kids.
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Why did Vidya Balan drop Manisha Malhotra?

Because his dresses were exposing her true lazy, slothy self.
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Why is Amrita Singh doing 'mother' roles in Bollywood flicks?

Because after Saif left her, she has nothing to do besides mothering (her kids).
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Who is the most out-of-the-world guy in Bollywood?

Harry Baweja.

Why?

Because he made an outlandish flick called Love Story 2050.

Why is Love Story 2050 an out-of-the-world movie?

Because it earned money only in an alien currency.
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Why should Genelia D'Souza and Priyanka Chopra be arrested?

Because Indian law says it is a crime to make love to little boys.
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Why should Harry Baweja be arrested?

For making Love Story 2050
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Why did people folks come out of theatres looking confused after watching Jaane Tu..Ya Jaane Na?

The title and the hero of the film seem confusing and confused.
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What did the TV actor say to Bachchan, the Khans (S and S), Urmila and Akshay?

Koi dhandha nahi hai Kya?. Kyo hamare pet par laat maar rahe ho?
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Why would Katrina Kaif easily win the heavy weight boxing competition?

She has taken enough beating from Salman Khan.
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Why are Shriya Saran and Asin moving upwards towards Bollywood?

Because they do not want get 'bottom and top' heavy like Namitha Kapoor.

Jaya Bachchan gives Raj Thackeray an earful!

"I don't know who Raj Thackeray is: Jaya Bachchan"- YAHOO/INDIAN EXPRESS

After Maharashtra Navnirman Sena chief Raj Thackeray's attack on filmstar Amitabh Bachchan, the actor's wife and MP Jaya Bachchan hit out at him and said they were willing to start a school in the metropolis provided the MNS leader donated them the land.

Jaya was always more spirited than her husband. Amitabh is the furtive types, who hits back covertly, if he ever does. Coming back to Jaya; what a reply! Start a school and all! She is a better politician than her husband.

"I heard that Raj Thackeray owns huge properties in Maharashtra...in Mumbai...Kohinoor Mills. If he is willing to donate land, we can start a school in the name of (Jaya's daughter-in-law) Aishwarya here," she said at a press conference.

Why always Aishwarya? Why not in memory of Teji Bachchan?

"Bal Thackeray (Shiv Sena chief) is like a father to me and Uddhav (Sena Executive President) is his son. I don't know any other Thackeray," the actress-politician remarked.

Wow! What a brainwave. Side with uncle and his son; shun the nephew. His party is not doing well anyway. That is the reason Raj Thackeray picked on poor Amitabh in the first place.

Image credit

Raj Thackeray raises stupid issue again!

"Big B’s 'UP interest' irks Raj Thackeray"- INDIAN EXPRESS

The Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) leader Raj Thackeray has attacked Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachchan for taking "more interest" in Uttar Pradesh than Maharashtra.

But what is wrong with that? Anyway, why are you worried about that?

Thackeray said that though Bachchan has become a superstar in Mumbai but his heart is more inclined towards Uttar Pradesh than Maharashtra.

Don't start these things please!

He said that Bachchan was behaving as if he was an ambassador of UP rather than Maharashtra and said his loyalty was more towards UP than Maharashtra.

Why rake up all this stupid stuff just to get votes?

Earlier, Thackeray received flak from political parties, for opposing 'Chhath Puja', for hurting the religious sentiments of people from Bihar and Uttar Pradesh.
He had recently objected to celebration of Uttar Bharatiya Diwas and Chhath Puja in Maharashtra.

Maharashtra is a state of India, not a different country. How do these guys get elected?


Image credit